My life behind closed doors wasn’t at all what I’d imagined it could be. My marriage was on very shaky ground. I was fed up with my sedentary, confined lifestyle. And, I no longer knew who I was or what I was supposed to do with my life. Little did I realize I was about to be confronted by an important truth: the condition of our physical world is a mirror reflection of our spiritual condition, showing us the way in our spiritual journey.
On the inside, my soul was bankrupt. And, I found myself in a wrestling match with God that would take me into unexplored depths, leaving me clinging to Him, desperate for His blessing.
“Give me the life I want!” I begged God.
“Why are you holding out on me?” I demanded to know.
When I returned from California, the emptiness and quiet of my newly empty nest challenged my marriage. At first I ignored it, but my soul ached for the kind of marriage I said ‘I do’ to. That longing gave me the courage I needed to talk to Matt. But, after that first conversation, Hurricane Harvey hit Houston, putting my life, and my marriage, on hold.
In the stress of waiting out the storm, I realized I’d been living in a heightened state of anxiety for years. I was completely caught off guard by this realization. Until then, I thought my spiritual journey had brought me to a more peaceful mental state. Four weeks passed by as I sat stuck, unable to resume everyday life, and unable to ignore my newly discovered truth.
Then, one Wednesday morning in September, I woke up completely overwhelmed by all the same feelings I’d experienced six years before, when I couldn’t live life as is for even one more second, and abruptly quit my job.
This time, I wanted to quit my marriage.
Later that night I sat in the Mom’s class I teach, emotionally exhausted, as I told my new friends that between my Dad’s stroke, the whirlwind that was my daughter’s senior year, her emotional graduation party, our drive across the country, leaving my daughter in California, and facing my empty marriage, I felt like I’d spent the last several months being tossed around by big, powerful waves and was spit out onto shore, completely weary and worse for the wear.
I wish I could say the road has been easy since then. That everything is fine. But, as you might expect, this journey has been filled with tears, stress, facades, confrontation, anger, fear, relief, hope, holidays, counseling, fun, progress and slowly but surely, change.
The upheaval I’ve experienced on this spiritual journey is ultimately settling my soul and resurrecting the life I crave from the burial ground of old wounds; a very necessary process in creating a life I love.
As my soul heals, my marriage is improving, I’m a little more physically active, and I am becoming more of who I am created to be.
See you in class,